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Deciphering Corporate Speak

Those of you working for smaller, private companies may not have been exposed to the vernacular I am about to rant about. The same may hold true for government employees. But for whatever reason, when you get into a company with 10,000+ employees with shareholders, etc. you end up speaking a different language. A new website, Unsuck-It has come to the rescue to help you decipher these words and phrases so that you will understand what the person is REALLY trying to say. Here are a few examples:

Drink the Kool-Aid – Meaning to follow blindly. I assume the origin from this was the Hale-Bopp comet people that all drank poisoned Kool-Aid thinking they were going to join aliens on the tail of the comet. If nothing else, they left quite the legacy on corporate America.  Update: Drew corrects me via comments that “but the origin is from the mass suicide in Jonestown, Guyana in 1978 when Jim Jones convinced his followers to drink poisoned Kool-Aid.”

Disambiguate – doesn’t clarify sound so much better? I actually used this word in a meeting yesterday to poke at someone else’s overuse of flowery language.

Operationalize – make it work. Could you imagine if management actually said you need to make something work? That would sound like they had a product that didn’t work. Hmm….

Social Media Strategy – Hahahaha. Defined as “Typing into text areas.” So true. I’m reminded of our social media guidelines at work, and the minor uproar they caused.

And my favorite: Ping Me – I recently said this to someone and haven’t heard from her since. Coincidence? Further proof that you should avoid corporate speak in all of your conversations with non-co-workers. Check out Unsuck-It and see what words and phrases you should be avoiding.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

Laying out my Transition Bags and Gear
Originally uploaded by Iron Mike Schubert

Lack of change is certainly not my problem these days. Every day is almost as different as it is the same. I’m walking around with open eyes, an open heart, and asking myself “Self, what do YOU want to do today?”

Last Tuesday, I brought my new bike home. It’s the Scott Plasma I talked about a couple of weeks ago. It’s a dream to ride. For its maiden voyage I rode with a new friend, who also had recently acquired a new road bike, out at Stone Mountain Park. Something just seemed right about this particular ride around the rock I grew up so close to.

Tonight, I’m headed to a “Grind” class. I’ve been told it’s unlike any “spin” class I have ever taken. I’m looking to hire a coach and these Tuesday / Thursday classes might just put this group over the edge. The classes are periodized and executed on your own bike. That means I get to use my power meter during a spin class! They also have an indoor “Current” pool that is like swimming in the ocean. They have “Grind Bricks” which allow you to do a swim before class or a run immediately after. I’m really pumped about the possibilities this change will bring.

So I have my bags laid out before me, ready to be packed for the adventure. My gear is clean and lubricated (where necessary). My mind and body are clear and primed.

I am ready for a change.